My First Bet Won $50. Gambling Took the Next 25 Years.

I remember my first bet.

I was 13 years old at a racetrack in Philadelphia. It was 1999. I won $50.

At that age, $50 felt like a lot of money. I had no way of knowing how much of my life I would eventually spend trying to feel that way again.

When I talk about my gambling history, people hear “25 years” and think about the money.

I think about the time.

The time spent playing. The time spent chasing. The time spent making excuses. The time spent sitting with people I loved while my attention was somewhere else.

The win I kept trying to repeat

That first win became a memory I could reach for whenever gambling stopped making sense.

I had won before. Why couldn’t I win again?

That was the argument I kept having with myself. It followed me into poker rooms, casinos, and situations I had no business putting myself in.

I could lose money and still find a reason to go back. Sometimes the reason was that I wanted to win. Other times, it was that I couldn’t accept losing.

Eventually, those became the same thing.

What compulsive gambling cost me

There are losses you can put on paper.

Then there are the ones you can’t.

How do you calculate the cost of being distracted around your children? What number do you give a broken promise? How much is a peaceful night worth?

I don’t have those answers.

I know that my gambling affected more than my bank account. It affected my relationships, my choices, and the way I showed up in my own life.

My last bet was September 16, 2024. The next day, I walked back into Gamblers Anonymous.

I didn’t walk in with everything figured out. I walked in because I needed help.

Why I tell this story now

Today, I share my experience because somebody else might recognize themselves before another year disappears.

You don’t have to have my history to ask questions about your gambling. You don’t have to lose what I lost.

Maybe you’re starting to notice how much space it takes up in your head. Maybe somebody close to you has said something. Maybe you’re tired of promising yourself that next weekend will be different.

You can start with a conversation.

That’s part of why I created GAORGO. I wanted finding support to be easier than finding another place to gamble.

Explore recovery meetings at GAORGO.